When people who know my complete story speak to me they are often perplexed about my perspective on the world. In many ways it is a bit complicated; but, in other ways my perspective is really quite simple. As I see the world human beings are all inherently selfish. Yes, there are people who take the time to help someone else out and to do good. Having served alongside some of these admirable men and women I can tell you, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that they are just as mortal and flawed as you or I. In spite of their grand dreams and lofty goals they are simply shackled to reality in the same manner as the rest of us.
I’ve had the great fortune to be able to get to know some of the most successful people in music, business and politics and to see them when they are putting on their public face and when they were back down to earth with the rest of us. I’ve seen them at their most amazing and successful and I’ve seen them crying, wondering why this goal or that dream seemed to die or reach a dead end. Yes, in spite of the hype and the spin that those in public life like to put on for the media, they are just as human as the rest of us. They all have their own dreams, goals, agenda, etc.
It makes me grateful to be a relative nobody for now. I’m glad to have these moments in the shadows watching as my mentors and guides walk through the mine fields ahead of me to show me where it is safe, and to show me where even friends can lay treacherous traps. I’ve learned to never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever to trust anyone who holds an office of public trust. If they were elected to their position they got their through deception, spin, greed, and the will of God. If they were appointed or hired in the usual way they probably fudged on their resume’ or embellished their accomplishments during the interview process. Are there any who are truly honest? Perhaps…I’ve not met them, yet.
My perception of my friends is that they really do like me; but I often remind them of the seedy underside of their lives to such an extent that they often wish I would just give up my quest for purity and holiness and embrace a lifestyle that involves a same-gender relationship or “gay” activism. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, I don’t presently have any plans to please them in that way. I’ve got my eyes on a particular prize that exceeds the adulation of friends, family or even adoring strangers. I have the goal of one day hearing my heavenly Father say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant; enter now into your eternal rest.” I don’t want to hear Jesus say that He never knew me.
My goal in life is quite simple: To seek God with everything that is in me so that I can learn to love myself as much as He does, and to love my neighbor as much as I love myself. I’m not even close to achieving the first element of that process; but, I’m confident that God has me in the palm of His hand. I used to see seeking God and abandoning my old ways of thinking as an end unto itself. When I viewed it in that way it seemed quite sad and depressing. However, when I began to see it as the opportunity to uncover a greater and higher life than what I’ve had so far it made me keenly aware of how it is like a rebirth. It is a refreshing that I can obtain in no other manner.
I’ve had a couple of long-term same-gender relationships and found a certain level of satisfaction in them. However, there was always something missing, regardless of how intimate they and I became. There was always a void that I simply could not fill. I came to realize that this void is shaped like God and that only Jesus is able to properly fit and fill it. So, I challenge those of you who anonymously read this blog to stop, take the time to honestly reflect on your own lived experience and the things you’ve learned over a lifetime. Test it to see if it meets every need that you have or if there is something lacking. If you have embraced a same-gender-attracted lifestyle wholeheartedly and believe that you’ve achieved your ultimate happiness in doing so then I applaud you and wish you all the best in the remainder of your life. However, if you find that there is still something lacking I would ask you to take the time to evaluate where you really want to be in five years, in ten years, when you’re 85 years old.
I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I know the One who does. I would encourage you to seek out the fellowship of Christ-followers in your local community whose goal is to do life together in community and who are transparent about their lives. It may be in a small local fellowship or a mega-church. Whatever suits your current way of doing life should serve as your guide to the congregation that best meets your need for the guidance of others who are on the same journey of becoming more like Jesus every day.
I hope you’ve all had an excellent Thanksgiving Holiday and that you will be encouraged by the things I write. I hope that you can watch as my transformation takes place and that it provides you with the inspiration you need to take your next step toward Jesus. He’s standing at the door with His arms open wide; all you need to do is open the door and invite Him to join you for supper.
pauseforthought1961 